Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The sea of not knowing.

We are back and beating away the jet-lag after an incredibly turbulent flight that afforded us very little sleep.  While the flight wasn't fun, our visit was heaven.  A beautiful blink of time consisting mostly of family, with a little bit of friends and shopping tossed into the mix for good measure.  Happily, I found two new pairs of Guess Jeans, though sadly after the massive quantities of turkey, mashed potato, gravy, wine and beer, date squares, shortbread, fudge, sugar cookies, and so on, I find they fit a little more snugly than when I tried them on in the store, pre-Christmas.

I'm ok not knowing how much I weigh for the moment.  I am in a sea of not-knowing, actually, and so I figure "why bother about the number if I still fit (albeit badly) into my skinny jeans?"  There are more important things I'd like to know now, anyhow, like:

---When will I get that little piece of paper I need from my employer?  And how much of a difference will this make in my job-hunting/training plans?
---Will I receive any kind of help from the government with respect to feeding myself while I hunt down my next career move?
---Will anyone in Belgium give me an apprenticeship opportunity in chocolate or will I manage to secure some other learning opportunity here?

In the meantime I read over the pile of documents from the FOREM, partially bewildered.  I have good days and bad days with my back.  I review bank and health-insurance policy changes with furrowed brow.  I make phone calls, check websites and plan visits.  I move deliberately and methodically, carefully collecting the fragments of information I need to have a clearer idea about what direction my life might be headed in 2012.  While many people use the beginning of the year to set goals, this year I find myself making plan A and B and C, and wondering which I'll end up using, while hoping that at least one of them works.

And I drink herbal tea.  I'm trying to rehydrate.

I am the girl with the far away look in her eye, fingers crossed, counting down to the stroke of something.

No comments: