Monday, October 24, 2011

Dazed and confused, and... sabotaged?

Yesterday I took all the drugs.
The anti-inflammatory cream, the muscle relaxants, the anti-inflammatory pill (which yeah, burns my belly from the inside,) the other painkilling anti-inflammatory cream.  I did nothing but sit, stand, and walk slowly.
My back was soo angry.

And after all that, today when I woke up my back felt better than it has in days.  Ever since the specialist poked me on Friday morning it was UNhappy.  I don't get it.  Though progress is generally in a good direction (I feel like it's getting better and stronger slowly but surely,) I still feel that one place, right in the spine that feels weak and starts to get angry the second I'm trying to walk at a normal speed, that feels compressed and angry when I carry something that's a little heavy.  When that spot gets angry, everything else flares up.

I ask myself "could that really be just from a rib knocking a bit out of place?"  Of course, not being a doctor I don't know.  On the other hand I have a specialist telling me he doesn't think that's the root problem and who thinks and MRI is probably what's needed to sort out what's really happened.  In the meantime, speaking of back problems, it would appear that I have a boss who's stabbed me in the back, and I don't understand why.

I was told the other night when at the hotel dropping off paper that my manager, the one I spoke to directly about my injury, told his boss that I never said anything to him about being hurt.  I spoke to my manager the day I got hurt about it (because that's what we do where I'm from if you hurt yourself at work, tell the boss so he can make a note of it,) and then when I was in much more pain the day after, realizing that it maybe wasn't just a simple little hurt, he asked me what was wrong and so I talked to him about it again, explaining that whatever I'd done the day before was really paining me.

He says I said nothing.  At all.  Ever.  I was really floored when my managers' boss told me that.  Not only is it like, the most irresponsible thing my manager could have done, but I don't understand at all why... why would he lie?  Was he mad at me?  Did he just think I was faking?  I just don't get it, and when I think about it, it just makes me feel really sad, and like I put my trust in someone who, for some reason I don't grasp, is trying to mess with my life.

My manager has seen me show up to work and do my best no matter if I've had a sleepless night, or if I'm sick as a dog.  This guy knows that even when I had a doctor's note to miss two days of work from a sprained ankle, that I only spent the first day resting and came in hobbling like a good little soldier the next day even though I didn't have to.  I've never had a client complain about my work, and I've always given extra days to the hotel when they've asked me to be there, I've come in early for days where we had big groups needing earlier service...   There is nothing I can think of that I've done over more than 2 years of working there that should cause anyone to disbelieve me when I tell them I actually can't work (and when several doctors agree on paper about that.)  I can't think of a single reason why he might want to try and mess with me like this.  I've been a good employee, and I've done what I was supposed to, and now someone I trusted is lying, and I can't figure out why.

And do you know how frustrating it is to find out that for 6 weeks your managers boss (aka: your big-boss,) has been thinking that you're just 'playing hooky', being lazy and pretending to be sick?  I ask myself too, how could the big-boss possibly believe that, when he too knows that I've given my all to that job, that I've been nothing except for professional for more than 2 years?  You see, my managers boss also told me that my manager has been saying stuff while I've been gone like "well you know she's planning on going back to Canada soon, so she's probably just decided she's tired of this job and is trying to keep her pay".  W.T.F?

I tried to set the big-boss straight.  I reminded him I've been nothing but willing and hard-working.  I reminded him I've always tried to handle things professionally, and I told him that my manager is lying when he says I never said anything about being hurt, and lying again because actually, if I go back to Canada, it will be YEARS from now.  I'm ACTUALLY hurt, I told him.  It's not even about pain, or not being able to carry something heavy... I can't even f-ing WALK at a REGULAR speed, which obviously poses a real problem when my job involves zipping back and forth all day at top speed, along with the other physical work I do.

I'm just floored by the whole thing.  Disgusted really, and confused as to how it is when I've been nothing but honest and professional that I could be treated with not only suspicion, but with bold faced lies.  Fine, I get that there are a lot of people in this country who try to cheat the system, I see it all around... but wouldn't you figure that after more than 2 years of really solid work, people might realize you're not one of those parasites?  That you might ACTUALLY be hurt if you say you are, and if qualified medical professionals are saying you are too?  I just don't get it.  I'm being treated like a liar and a cheater when actually, I'm just injured and trying to get better so that I can go back to working and living like normal.  I am beyond frustrated at this development.

And to top it off, today I have to try and get in touch with some legal advice.  There is a form the hotel gave me, and it's in French legal-language.  It's a subrogation form concerning articles of the law, and my research only tells me that a subrogation means I give up the right to something, and I can't find any clear information regarding these articles of the law other than that they have to do with work-accidents.  I can't simply sign something not knowing what my signature means, particularly not now that I know that things aren't being dealt with honestly at the hotel.  I don't feel I can trust them when they tell me "it's just a form to confirm that you received your regular pay for those first two weeks you were off work sick."  I've never had to confirm being paid before, and the dates on the form are wrong too.  It makes me wonder if this is just another way of the hotel (or at least one person who works there,) trying to screw me over.

I really hope it's not the case, but I can't help but feel that way right now, and I can't help but feel like a dumb foreigner because the company I gave my hard work and consistency to over the past 2 years has decided that because I can't work right now they might as well stab me in the back and throw me under the bus.

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