Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Just call me Sparklebutt

This photo clearly illustrates why I need to pay more attention when shopping:

My old bottle is on the left.  You know, the fake tanner that has successfully made me look like I am warm-blooded, and not malnourished or one of the undead.  The bottle on the right is what I bought the other day.

Do you see the difference?

Upon realizing that I was shimmering, I looked a little closer and realized that there are two varieties of this Dove product: "normal" (on the left,) and "gogo dancer," (on the right.)  There are f-ing sparkles in my lotion.  I am... outwardly festive, and inwardly mortified.

I really think they should make this varietal difference a little clearer to shoppers, given that there are probably two very different sorts of fake-tan consumer.  The bottle on the right should be packaged wearing a tiny pair of hotpants and bra, or have a sparkly collar.  It could appear to have massive white powdery looking line printed on it, underlining those crucial words "soft shimmer."  The plastic of the bottle should, at the very least be visibly different.  I think an all-over electric pink, a wrapping of gold lamé, or a mirrored disco-ball look would work well to convey the difference and help steer shoppers toward making the correct selection.

How to make peace with this mistake?  Of course, my inital instinct (particularly with the improving, but still visibly-bad leperhand,) is to find the darkest corner possible, and to live there for the next month having boyfriend place the occasional sandwich into the shadows.  I am trying to see the 'bright side' of this though, figure out if there's a way to embrace my mistake.  Presently my brain is dazzled by the glare coming from my skin.  I draw a glimmering blank.  I am open to suggestions.

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