Wednesday, February 10, 2010

My love is like a... strange attractor?

Do you know that poem "A red, red rose?"  You know it, or at least the beginning: "My love is like a red, red rose,"

This flitted across my mind as I sat in a tiny waiting room last night, while Boyfriend, upstairs, was involved in consultation with a professional.

What does my love compare to?

My love is definitely big.  Perhaps it's an elephant?  A majestic creature with a deep and beautiful soul we haven't quite figured out how to care for, let alone how to make real and lasting space in our lives for.  The elephant is always in the room, waiting for more than just temporary accommodation.  I think sometimes we forget to feed it, water it, take it for a walk.  Hell, neither of us is even terribly good with green plants, so thank god it's been patient with us.

Maybe it's some sort of large machine that neither Boyfriend or I have figured out all the controls for.  The kind of device where one person has to push the pedals while the other person steers.  We are so uncoordinated sometimes.  Every once and awhile we get an idea of what a great machine we have though, when in the midst of pushing buttons and arguing about who gets to do what, we get the machine to take a graceful leap forward.

We have compared our love to a house before.  We are still working out the foundation in the drawings, I think.  But you know, it's a bit of an elaborate structure we have in mind, given that it will span two continents, and I don't think we've found the ideal terrain yet, and there are still things in the plans that could be made more to our satisfaction.  But I'm happy that neither of us thinks it's worth investing in a poorly constructed house, just for the sake of having one.

Whatever I could compare our love to, the fact is that it's bigger than either of us and our easily bruised egos.  It is broader than our separate narrow visions, and it holds more weight than either of us, even when we're throwing ours around.  It has a momentum of it's own, and the older it gets, the more there is beauty evident to us in it's evolution.  Even when we deviate from each other, swirling around in our issues, it's gravity always pulls us back close to each other in the end; the gravity of this thing, this love, which keeps evolving, quite organically, of it's own accord.

And I'm glad for it.

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