Monday, October 12, 2009

Suckehhh Story

Do you know what sucks?  Bad design.

Know what else sucks?  Poorly designed tools.
(Tools are supposed to help you do a job.  Poorly designed tools do not help.  Poorly designed tools make you hate the job, and are generally the kind of things I, personally, want to throw from the roof.)

Do you know what really sucks?  When your vacuum cleaner breaks.  Except when it's a piece of crap to begin with, because then maybe you can replace it with something better, right?  Well, a little while ago, our vacuum cleaner broke.

It wasn't a great vacuum cleaner to begin with.  Actually it wasn't even a good vacuum cleaner at all.  I hated it.  I put up with it since it was here before I was, but boy was I happy the day it broke.  I was even happier that Boyfriend was the one vacuuming when it decided to fall apart.  Well, ok, I wasn't happy that he wasn't *done* vacuuming, and that we'd be stuck with the floor-dirt for a bit, but I was happy that I'd get to say goodbye to the horrible vacuum.

Boyfriend said "I'll have to get another vacuum cleaner."  And I said "If you're going to do that, since I'm the one who vacuums more often, and I know a thing or two about different kinds of vacuum cleaners, I'd like to have some say on choice."  We decided that we'd get one that didn't need bags and that had a hepa-filter, talked price-range, and decided that we'd go look at some vacuums together.

Then, one day not too long after, boyfriend showed up at home with a vacuum...

It looks very much like the other one.  It uses bags.  It *does* however, have a hepa filter.

I wasn't really pleased, since we'd agreed to make the selection together, and here it seemed there was clear evidence the ear-brain connection of my loved one had completely failed.  I'd explained that the design of a tool such as this can determine whether vacuuming is a relatively minor pain in the butt, or purgatory on wheels.  It seemed a little as though the man I loved hadn't really listened at all, or perhaps had had a lapse in sanity, and had brought home the younger brother of the evil thing we'd just gotten rid of!

It sat, unopened in it's box for a week, until today.

I've just finished using it for it's inaugural go at the house, I feel ready to say that I will never touch it again.  It is a torturous machine to use, and the use of irrationally and badly designed machines such as this one seems to cause me to have irrational and bad thoughts.  It makes me want to ask my boyfriend if he bought it on purpose as a way of trying to tell me he hates me.  (You still love me, right bébé?)  Today I discovered that along with road-rage and air-rage, vacuum-rage exists.  Vacuum rage is a very scary thing.

You see, this vacuum is all wrong.  The thing is designed for a midget.  And I'm saying this at my whopping stature of 5'2".  The suction, when at maximum, well, it sucks alright, but not in the way one would hope.  The design of the handle, the height, everything about it in fact causes me to suspect that it was designed by someone who had never actually vacuumed, and had never actually witnessed someone trying to vacuum ANYTHING, EVER!!!

I detest it, and knowing that for the amount of money he spent on his maverick (fail) decision that we could have had an more intelligently designed vacuum... I'm refusing to use it.  It must go back to the hell from where it came.  I'd rather sweep.  If it stays, I believe that vacuuming will be classified as something done by the clever person who decided all by themselves that this would be a nice tool to use.

That could be fun to watch, considering that Boyfriend is about 6 feet tall.

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